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Me

June 2015

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Jun. 25th, 2015

Shattered

The Part Of Me I Rejected & Pedophilia

Despite pursuing my sexuality, it still became a secret. It became something I could only share with an intimate partner or online. At the age of eleven I lied to my mom for the first time. I lied when I told her where I was going and what I was doing. I was going over to Ferret's house to fool around. I was hoping that Ferret's older brother would have sex with me. He was sixteen.
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Jun. 20th, 2015

Me

I Did It All For The Nookie

Finally, I had the time to sew. I had brought my sewing machine with me to Basket Bear's house. Two weeks in a remote location provided the perfect opportunity to sew. Yet days went by without me touching it. First, there was unpacking. Then there were errands, including driving out to a farm to buy five gallons of raw milk (two of which came from goats).
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Jun. 19th, 2015

Sexy

You say "child" but you really mean "slave" ... And ... Choke me this way, not that way.

I was in my mom's sewing room, crying. I think I was hiding. My mother came in. At first I pouted, unwilling to tell her what I was feeling.
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"Come on," she said in exasperation. "Tell me what's going on. I can't help if you won't talk to me."
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My breaths came in pants. I felt like I couldn't get in enough air. I began to shake. Words began to bubble forth. I don't remember everything I said, but at the climax of my rant, I screamed, "What have I done with my life?"
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The anguish in my voice was hard to hear, even as it rung in my own ears.
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My mother's voice was a cross between concern, exasperation and sympathy, "But Nuria," she said. "You're only ten!"
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Jun. 16th, 2015

Kinky

Musings & Desires About Gongchan

You don't have to try to be something you're not. You only need to be allow yourself to be what you are. I guess when I said I wanted to corrupt you, that wasn't strictly true. I want to teach you methods of releasing barriers that are taboo. ... Methods that bring me much pleasure to share.
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Jun. 13th, 2015

Me

I took his virginity, but then he didn't want more

"Well, you don't come across the way virgins often do."
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"Well, I am."
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"Oh." I paused. "How old are you?"
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"Thirty."
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Jun. 3rd, 2015

Me

With A Neckwarmer Pulled Up Over My Nose

Standing in the bathroom, the shower water running, the humidity filling the room, I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. I was fully dressed in a long-sleeved black shirt and two pairs of pants. It was the coldest day we'd had in weeks at Redbud Community. I enjoyed the warmth emanating from the shower.
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Relief, at last.
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Jun. 2nd, 2015

Me

Should I Give Myself A Diagnosis?

And if I admit to all of my problems, I'm afraid of the conclusions people will draw. Like your mother. That one time, when I was feeling awful and had to get off my feet and she told someone I was weak because of my raw diet. I was so angry. I just exploded. 'It is not!' I said. 'I used to be much worse! It's only because of this diet that I function at all!' ... The injustice of it! And my own brother had said something similar that same year. He said, 'You're just a weakling because of your raw diet.' Was he really completely oblivious to how much I'd struggled with my health my entire childhood?
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May. 27th, 2015

Kinky

Why I Won't Join Redbud Community

Excerpt: "I couldn't believe my ears. Here I was on this "intentional community" that is about networks and permaculture instead of hierarchy and mono-cropping, and this woman was telling me she is a dictator, and that she'd violated my space that was given to me for my things. Suddenly I felt like none of my stuff was safe"
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May. 25th, 2015

Bikini

Oral Sex: Am I Journaling or Is This Erotica?

Several months previously, during a consciousness-awareness process on his sexual issues, he said, "I thought I had overcome some of my sexual repression, but I didn't. I just repressed my repression. There are layers upon layers blocking my original sexuality."
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Those layers of repression were least evident when his cock filled my mouth, and so I learned to crave it. I became aroused by it. More and more often I masturbated while I mouthed him. I even learned to crave him in my throat; the uncomfortable, invasive feeling bringing me closer to that feeling on union, that sacred feeling of oneness.
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May. 24th, 2015

Sexy

Confessing Love To Mermaid & Inviting A Sungod To Fuck Me

"Yeah, maybe. You could be the shot girl. I know you don't drink, but we could be a team. You could help me attract guys and I could split some of the dance money with you if you don't want to dance."
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Actually, I think I might like to dance, I thought.
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~
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I glanced toward his crotch. Was that a slight bulge under his pants? And then I was panting. And he was getting undressed. I took him into my mouth eagerly. I pulled out a condom, one that happened to be purple.
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