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September 2015

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Sep. 2nd, 2015

Shy Smile

Trilarity & The Eight Senses

"It trips me out to think of their being realities where there are four or five or six dimensions. I feel like I grasp the fourth dimension at times because I can feel it with my sixth sense. But this is where my ability to conceptualize gets really hazy. What about seventh and eighth senses?"
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"I'm not sure I buy into the traditional five senses in the first place," Hibiscus replied as he rubbed my shoulders.
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Aug. 31st, 2015

Me

A Torus Is A 4-Dimensional Version Of The 3-Dimensional Mobius Strip

Monday morning I woke fully rested after ten hours of sleep. I had dreamed of wandering around through a huge house belonging to Paladin's parents. I was avoiding them, trying to find Paladin. When I awoke it wasn't obvious to me what this was about, but when telling the dream to Hibiscus it became apparent to me that the dream was a metaphor for poking around in Paladin's subconscious, trying to find him without triggering the programming from his parents.
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Aug. 30th, 2015

Smile

Time Traveling Ten Years To See My Husband

I finally got up the guts to start being authentic with Hibiscus about more than just my past, shortcomings and desires – I got up the nerve to critique his food hoarding (which led to much food waste).
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It was Saturday night, and we'd been talking for nearly two hours already. We were on 'my' bed with a little touch-light on and the main light off. The lighting was dim, and he was rubbing my back.
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"I like you touching me," I said. "But I feel like it is unfair somehow that I don't want to touch you in return." Admitting that was hard, but he just accepted it.
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Aug. 28th, 2015

Bikini

Are Gifts My Love Language?

"How did it feel reading my writing last night? Did it feel like I was with you?" I asked Paladin.
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"It felt intimate and like I was getting to see you. When you're talking to me there's less to sit and reflect, and absorb what you're trying to express. So in some ways, it even seemed closer."
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I smiled. I hoped he'd say something like that.
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Shy Smile

Stop Hiding Me

"Please don't hide me anymore," I said to myself, my tone soft and child-like.
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"I can't do that. Don't be ridiculous," I said back to myself, my tone gently scolding.
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Aug. 27th, 2015

Kinky

Raping Myself

"Don't deny it. Feel how aroused you are. Admit it."
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"Please stop," she says, even as she feels herself becoming aroused.
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Aug. 26th, 2015

Smile

A Dream Proven Real

"You were a powerful presence in my dreams last night. You seemed overwhelmed, tired, and in a major need of a break. You were carrying a lot of tension in your legs and butt. I think in the dream I tried to take on your fatigue for you, because I suddenly became as fatigued as you seemed to be in the dream."
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"Whoa.... Oh my god. That's so interesting. ... Your dream was spot-on. The last four months I've been going through extreme tension. Last night it was so bad that I could hardly move. I think a lot of it is emotional. I've been going through a lot separating myself from managing my restaurant."
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Aug. 25th, 2015

Incredulous

Shadow Work With Hibiscus & Reading Anastasia

"It's Oryx who taught me the emotional processing system framework I'm using," I said to Hibiscus. "But I also incorporate things I've learned from neuro-linguistic programming, Teal Swan, Conversations with God, meditation groups and personal experiences. My facilitation is something like 'shadow work' as Carl Jung called it, but it is more than just an exploration of the unconscious – it's an exploration of the mind, body and emotions as a whole."Read more...Collapse )

Aug. 22nd, 2015

Shy Smile

The Unconscious Struggles With "Temporary"

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"I don't think my subconscious understands that this is temporary. I don't think it understands that I'll be returning to you in a little less than three weeks."
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"Hmmm," Paladin said. "You might be right. Hypnosis is done with present-tense statements."
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Aug. 19th, 2015

Goth Seductive

Repressed Memories of Ritual Abuse?

I was watching Teal's trailer for a movie about herself. It showed her asking a friend to plug something in.
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Teal said, "I still have difficulty plugging things in because of the electro-torture that I went through as a child."
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I found myself dumbfounded. I almost always asked Paladin to plug and unplug things. For years this had bothered me, but I couldn't figure out why. Many times I intentionally pushed myself through it and told myself I was being ridiculous.
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I felt emotions rising in me, but I couldn't place them. I heard Gongchan's voice in head, saying, "I've found that I have extraordinary compassion for children who've gone through ritual abuse – such as Teal." And him also saying, "I have large swathes of memories that I know are missing."
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But I didn't feel like I had an extraordinary lack of memories. On the contrary, I seemed to have many more than most. So what was missing – if anything?
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